{"id":377,"date":"2019-08-15T15:50:18","date_gmt":"2019-08-15T15:50:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/paulfleisher.com\/?p=377"},"modified":"2019-08-16T02:51:20","modified_gmt":"2019-08-16T02:51:20","slug":"aphasia-no-thanks-i-already-have-some","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paulfleisher.com\/?p=377","title":{"rendered":"Aphasia? No thanks, I already have some."},"content":{"rendered":"

For the past year or two I\u2019ve begun to experience occasional difficulty finding the right word in conversations or discussions.\u00a0 My wife Debra has also noticed this, as have a few friends and colleagues.\u00a0 And it seems to be happening more and more frequently.<\/p>\n

Because I don\u2019t spend much time in social situations, this hasn\u2019t been particularly debilitating so far.\u00a0 However, I have turned down a few speaking engagements and opportunities to lead workshops. \u00a0When I have led trainings, I\u2019ve asked co-facilitators to help me out if and when I get stuck finding a word.\u00a0 The problem seems to come and go.\u00a0 There are times when I seem to have little or no difficulty carrying on a discussion without hesitations, but at other times I get stuck, knowing what I want to convey but unable to find right word to express my thoughts.\u00a0 And I do seem to be a bit grumpier than usual\u2014which is really saying something.\u00a0 I hope people will have patience with me when I find myself in one of these states.<\/p>\n

Of course, I\u2019m wondering if this is just the gradual effect of aging, or a symptom of something more serio\"\"<\/a>us. \u00a0I described my slowly increasing aphasia to my doctor, who sent me to consult a neurologist.\u00a0 Unfortunately, the neurologist was not very helpful, although he was impressed that I knew the word aphasia<\/em>.\u00a0 He told me being well-educated and having a good vocabulary makes it more difficult to diagnose conditions such as the possible onset of dementia.\u00a0 Great.<\/p>\n

I also tried stopping a medication for arthritic nerve pain that yet another<\/em> doctor thought might be affecting my cognition.\u00a0 But after a month, I didn\u2019t notice any improvement, although my knees and back did seem to hurt a bit more frequently.\u00a0 So that experiment failed.<\/p>\n

The neurologist also sent me for a CAT scan of my head.\u00a0 Normal, no cats.\u00a0 Examining the results, he told me I have the brain of a sixty-year-old\u2014a good thing, I suppose, since I\u2019m a full decade older.\u00a0 He also sent me to another specialist, a neuropsychologist who ordered a series of cognitive tests.\u00a0 Some were quite similar to ones I administered while evaluating students for the gifted program, during my tenure as a public school teacher.\u00a0 The testing was actually fun\u2014challenging my logic, memory and problem-solving abilities.\u00a0 The results of those tests indicated above average functioning for someone my age.\u00a0 Again, not particularly helpful or informative.\u00a0 The neuropsychologist said they could serve as baseline date to compare with results from future tests, should they be indicated.<\/p>\n

Strangely enough, I don\u2019t seem to have nearly as much difficulty with written words as I do with speech, at least for now.\u00a0 This is certainly a good thing, since I spend much of my time writing.\u00a0 I also don\u2019t seem to have any difficulty remembering the music I play with Gamelan Raga Kusuma.\u00a0 (Balinese gamelan is generally played from memory.\u00a0 Some members of our ensemble use written notation, but I much prefer to memorize, especially since a visual impairment makes it difficult to read notation and play at the same time.)\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

So, what does this all mean?\u00a0 What should I expect to happen to my mental condition in the coming months and years?\u00a0 None of the specialists I\u2019ve consulted can say, although it seems unlikely to improve.\u00a0 My parents both lived into their nineties.\u00a0 My mother was sharp and clearheaded until the day she died.\u00a0 But my father did suffer from dementia\u2014toward the end of his life he became stuck in endless loops of daily routines, repeating himself without any awareness he was doing so.\u00a0 I have inherited my mother\u2019s high cholesterol and blood pressure.\u00a0 Maybe I\u2019ve hit the daily double, and inherited my father\u2019s mental infirmity too.<\/p>\n

The thought of losing my faculties to the point where I don\u2019t recognize Debra, or can\u2019t express a coherent thought, find my way around town, or feed and clean myself is worrying.\u00a0 I\u2019m nowhere near that point, and if I do get there eventually, I probably won\u2019t be aware of it anyway.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve long known our mental abilities are not permanent gifts. \u00a0I remember rereading George Gamow\u2019s One, Two, Three\u2026Infinity<\/em> some time in my thirties or forties, and discovering I was unable to comprehend mathematical ideas I had no difficulty with when I first read the book in my teens.\u00a0 My journey has largely been a life of the mind\u2014reading, studying, teaching and writing.\u00a0 Losing those abilities as I age concerns me more than my inevitably deteriorating physical state.\u00a0 But for now, I can still recognize my wife, play music, garden and swim, read, and write.\u00a0 I\u2019ll keep using my brain and my muscles, maintaining as much physical and mental fitness as possible.\u00a0 There\u2019s really not much else I can do except go along for the ride.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For the past year or two I\u2019ve begun to experience occasional difficulty finding the right word in conversations or discussions.\u00a0 My wife Debra has also noticed this, as have a few friends and colleagues.\u00a0 And it seems to be happening more and more frequently. Because I don\u2019t spend much time in social situations, this hasn\u2019t …<\/p>\n

Continue reading ‘Aphasia? No thanks, I already have some.’ »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-377","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nAphasia? 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